We’re bobbing along on the bright turquoise waters surrounding Koh Phi Phi, on a double story party boat. The rest of my tour group is standing waist deep in water a few hundred yards away, looking at monkeys. I am not looking at monkeys because my foot is a) the size of a coconut, and b) purple. Fortunately, an explanation of that isn’t relevant to this story.
Like an unfortunate number of my other stories, this one begins with an open bar.